Wednesday, 3 September 2014

Destroying the Control Freak Within.

Have you ever started a book and skipped to the end to see who lives, who dies and how it all pans out, before you decided to go any further?  

I watched my daughter try this, today. She just could not wait to read the 300 pages or so. She needed to know the outcome before she decided if she wanted to read the book. She didn’t want to read it if ‘so and so died’ she said. I was laughing watching her when Jesus pointed out to me that I was like this.

You see, I am constantly asking God, if I can live a safe, comfortable life. I argue with Him that I don’t need to be wealthy or glamorous - I am just happy with simple. I tell Jesus I’m not keen to live a life like those Christians in the Middle East, who are horrifically persecuted for their faith. I know in theory that the Bible says they are blessed but I find myself wanting to sprint away from this type of blessing and avoid it like the plague. My problem stems from me fearing man more than I fear God in my heart. Not good. 

I need to be reminded of this truth: 

"Blessed are those who have been persecuted for the sake of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are you when people insult you and persecute you, and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of Me.…” Matthew 5:10,11

When I examine myself through God’s lens, I find myself longing to obey Jesus but simultaneously still secretly wanting to be reassured that there will definitely be NO persecution or further suffering in my life. I want Jesus to skip me through the future pages of my life and reassure me there are no horrible deaths, no horrible disasters and that my life will end sweetly with me at the ripe old age of 92 or so, before I continue on now with what he has called me to do. 

I constantly bargain to know what's coming down the road in my life. What if I don't like it?

I have a fear of persecution that I have to regularly pray to have nailed to the cross. 
I have a fear of persecution that I have to regularly repent of. 
I have a desire to dictate to God what he can and can't do in my life that I regularly have to yield.
The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.

My default setting is to pray like this. 

“I’ll speak out against abominations but can I not do any horrific jail time or real suffering like those Christians overseas in the Middle East?”

“I’ll preach the gospel but can it only be to those who really want to hear it and respect me for what I have shared? I don't want any nastiness.”

My timidity leads me to always want to know if it will end well on this earth before I agree to obey. I want to bargain myself a simple, safe life. I want the control. Not good. 

God doesn’t play my games.

He just calls me to obey.
I have to yield my will.
It’s all part of the deal.
I have to yield my control of the situation..... and  TRUST!

Trust His character.
Trust His faithfulness.
Trust His justice.
Trust His strength.
Trust His provision.

Trust He will give hope when there is no earthly reason to have hope.

I need to learn to leap without knowing the outcome on this earth.For we are promised another outcome that is not of this earth. It is that I need to keep my sights set on.

“We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now he is seated in the place of honor beside God's throne.” Hebrews 12:2

Keep our eyes fixed on you Jesus.

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